When to Stop Using Condoms
Let’s review the steps you should take if you’re interested in no longer using condoms in your relationship.
Step 1: Test
Make sure you both are tested for HIV. If you are both negative, you should plan to get another test at least 3 months later. In the meantime, you should make sure to use condoms.
Use the Testing Locator in the Tools page to find a testing location near you.
Step 2: Test Again
After at least 3 more months have passed, go get tested with your partner again. If neither of you had unprotected sex between the time of your first test and this follow-up test three months later, your HIV negative statuses are confirmed.
Step 3: Talk about a Sexual Agreement
At this point, you can begin to think about what it would mean for your health, sexual, and emotional needs to start having sex with your boyfriend without using condoms. You should create a sexual agreement with your partner that sets rules about what is allowed with outside partners. The agreement should require that you practice safer sex with any outside partners. For example, you and your partner may decide to only allow oral sex with outside partners or threesomes with condoms. You should also agree to tell each other immediately if either of you slips up or accidentally has unprotected sex with an outside partner.
If this happens, you and your boyfriend should go back to using condoms with each other and get tested at least twice before stopping condom use again in your relationship. You should also make a plan for what will happen if the agreement gets broken and how you would tell each other. If you don’t feel like your relationship is ready to make these kinds of agreements then it is probably a good idea to continue to use condoms for now. We recommend that you have been together as a couple of at least a year before you consider taking these steps to stop condom use. Some health organizations recommend that young gay men should always use condoms throughout their relationship.
Step 4: Talk Some More
It is good to check in at least twice a year to make sure you are both still happy with no longer using condoms and the sexual agreements you have made about sex with outside partners. It is more likely that your check-ins will happen if you set up special times during the year to do it.
What if you already stopped using condoms or didn’t use them every time?
These steps still apply to you because you want to have a healthy relationship going forward! We suggest you say to your partner, “I think we skipped a few steps to stay healthy when we stopped using condoms, and I want to make sure we go back and do them all.”
What if you are on PrEP?
Being on PrEP is a great way to prevent HIV. But remember, PrEP does not protect against STIs like gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis. We still recommend going through these steps to best meet your health needs. And, after you stop using condoms, it’s a good idea to stay on PrEP as a contingency plan, in case either of you slips up.
Use the PrEP Locator in the Tools page to find a PrEP prescriber near you.